June 30, 2011


So, I've been trying to teach my kids how to clean the bathroom.

They even each have their own pair of rubber gloves with their names, lovingly and permanently branded on them. *insert evil laugh here* Mwah ha ha ha....... *cough cough*  Eh hem, pardon me.

That evil laugh thing just happens sometimes. Weird.

Anyway, since I am trying to get ready for a family filled house this weekend, I was having the kids help me clean their bathroom.

Upon discovering that someone had bent the hinges on the door under the sink so that it won't close all the way, I mumbled to myself as I tried to push it back in place, "Umph! Must you guys ruin everything?"

Jacob, (age 4) who was standing right next to me, spoke up smiling widely, "Yup! It's our responsibility!"

I should have known there was a conspiracy.

June 28, 2011

I need a vacation from getting back from vacation!

The day after returning from a trip is always a little crazy.

You have a blast on your vacation, playing right up until it's time to go home. Then you wake up, rather unwillingly the next day, usually after only a few hours of sleep, to realize you have a stack of overdue library items you need to get back asap!

Because you're getting tired of single handedly supporting the library through late fees.

Then, since you haven't gone grocery shopping in over two weeks, you find your cupboards are pretty bare and thank your lucky stars that you have enough milk and cereal to feed to your kids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Then you find that your daughter's t-ball game is really two hours earlier than you had been thinking it was all weekend. And since there are only two games left, and you haven't been to any of them, you decide you need to go to at least one before the games are over. So instead of unpacking all your junk that was just tossed into the living room, you rifle through the pockets searching for essentials, like deodorant, knowing no one would be happy if you didn't a least contemplate using it, leaving everything else there to deal with another time.

Then you haul your five kids to the t-ball game only to see about two minutes of it since you're trying to keep track of three mobile children and a stationary baby.

By the time the game is over, you reflect on your great and mighty wisdom for only putting your oldest child in this year, and thanking her coach profusely for being willing to pick her up and bring her home this whole month.

Then you make the mistake of taking your tired and hungry children into the library with you. By the time the kids are done picking out what they want, the librarian hates you. You can just tell. But you do your best not to yell too loud at the three oldest ones while carrying the baby-laden car seat and quite literally dragging your screaming and crying two-year old back out to the car knowing that everyone you walk by is passing judgement on you.

By the time you get home you're drenched in sweat, exhausted, wishing you could have a vacation from your post vacation experience.

Ah well, what can you do.

We had such a blast this past weekend, I wish we could have stayed longer. It was good for all of us to get away for a couple of days.

I have a gazillion pictures to rifle through so hopefully I can get around to writing all about it soon.

In the meantime, just know that anytime you think I might say or do something a little odd, that I learned from the best.

I mean, come on. Do you know anyone who plays with their cows?

I do.

I couldn't quite convince my mom to whoop and holler like she was riding a bucking bronco, but come on, at least she was willing to go for a ride!

And that, my friends, is what makes my parents so stinking awesome.

And someday, I hope to be just like them.

Except you'll never catch my playing with cows and letting them slobber in my hair.

'Cause that's just gross. 

June 23, 2011

No one puked!

I'm in Montana right now, hanging out at my folks place, eating chocolate.

No seriously, I really am eating chocolate while I'm typing this.

See, Hubby decided we needed a family vacation, and since he'll probably have a pretty busy summer flying all over to Whoknowswhere and Wheretheheckareyougoingthistime for work, he said the only weekend he knew for sure he'd be able to get away would be this one.

So ya, it was a pretty last minute trip. And I managed to fit all seven of our belongings into two duffel bags and one plastic sack.

I was pretty proud of myself. 

And never mind how big the duffel bags are! *humph* 

We left home at 7pm last night and arrived here at 1:30am this morning. Surprisingly, the kids were awake for most of the trip and even more surprising, they did really well on the long drive. Especially since our car isn't fancy enough to have a dvd player in it. We entertained ourselves the old fashioned way.

You know, letter games and such? I can only hope you know what that means.

Oh! And no one threw up. (if you've read my blog long enough you know how fierce car sickness runs in our veins)

It was a miracle.

Well, I'm off to eat more chocolate. Will write more later!

June 21, 2011

It's all in the moments

I think if my kids were allowed to give me a new name, it would probably be something like "Snarling Wolf" or "Screaming Banshee".

Of course, I would at least make them call me "Chief Snarling Wolf", or "Master Screaming Banshee". After all, I think it's only fair since for some strange, unknown reason, I can't get anyone around here to call me "Goddess Divine".

I know right? I don't understand it either.

But the truth is, I have been kind of grouchy lately. Chalk it up to post pardum hormones or lack of sleep, I still find it thoroughly exhausting to be grouchy all the time.

Because then you just feel lousy, then you don't react well to things, (like daughters smashing half a loaf of bread all over the floor, or sons putting crayons between their toes and using them to draw on the wall) then you feel guilty for being the world's worst mom because you reacted badly, then everyone else picks up your extra grouchies so soon all the kids are cranky, which only creates more work for you, which creates more bad reactions, which triggers more guilt! *deep intake of breath* It's a torturously slow and endless cycle.

So I loathe when my grouchies set in. It's just so dang exhausting! I'd rather they just didn't come to visit at all. And yet sometimes, they are so dadgum hard to shake off! Much like the mud stuck to the bottom of the kids shoes when they come racing into the house.

And yet, in the midst of all....... *hands waving at the dirty pots and pans on the counter, mounds of dirty laundry, and toys and books scattered to and fro... oh, and the half package of smashed crackers on the kitchen floor*   this, I am often given moments.

You know, moments of such intense fulfillment and happiness. Moments given to you to remind you why you will keep trudging through the trenches filled with dirty diapers and clothes stained with spit up and little fingers prints.

And sometimes all it takes is a cool evening, a trampoline, and a batch of rice krispie treats.

It helps to have really cute kids too.

Gosh I love all these little people.

Even if they won't call me "Goddess Divine".

June 20, 2011

Happy Eight Years!

Actual conversation.

Me: So hun, you know Monday is our eight year anniversary?

Hubby: *blank stare* It is?

Me: Yup. So...... what do you think we should do?

Hubby: *blank stare* Uh.......

What can I say? We're just a romantic couple like that.

Eight years, five children, and thousands of chocolate bars later,

 I'm amazed I don't weigh 700 pounds.

Heaven help me, what were we thinking!!

Don't answer that.

It's been real, it's been hard, it's even been real hard. But it has also been good, it's been amazing, it's even been real amazing. We're still here and going strong,

Thanks in part to all those chocolate bars.

Hubby may not realize it but, they make me sweeter.

June 15, 2011

Never brag, never boast. It's bad for your kitchen.

Oh ya, look at me and my bad self! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh uh huh uh huh.....

Because all great quotes needed for blogging can be found in "The Emperor's New Grove".

It's just the way it is people.

And when a girl's gotta boast, a girl's just gotta boast!

Claira only allowed me about three hours of sleep last night.

Pish, no that's not what I'm boasting about. Sheesh, if that was something to brag about, every mother in the world would be blog boasting.

No, see, even though I only got three hours of sleep, I still managed to drag my carcass out of bed before my children were up, *gasp*  and then I managed to work out and get my ab routine done before they came out of their bedrooms! *double gasp*

Because I like to pretend I still have abs.

I'm an eternal optimist.

So yea baby, go me!  Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh uh huh uh huh.....

What? What do you mean "is that it?"

Hey, I'll have you know I'm going on exercising three days in a row! Ha!

Ummm, yea... *awkward silence* that's it. That's all I wanted to say.

Because I'm all about the small victories, and small victories should be shared.

So there.

Wait a sec... what in the...

Uh oh... if you'll excuse me, this is Alayna after all so I had better go make sure she didn't color on the walls, or the chairs, or the floor, or the table, or the stack of bills, or the.....

What the... Oh. My.... *quickly flipping to commercial to keep people from hearing reaction* "could switching to Gieco really save you 15% or more on car insurance................"


Ab routine and exercise be hanged, I need some chocolate chip cookies.

June 13, 2011

Daddy has a birthday

You'd think it was the kids that were having a birthday the way they were all carrying on. The boys even went so far as to pick out what kind of cake "daddy wants". They found a picture of a treasure chest cake in one of my cook books and the chest had candy flowing out of it.

So logically, because of all the candy in the picture, that must be the cake "daddy wants".

They were only slightly disappointed when I made an Oreo Carmel Ice cream Cake.

Since we didn't get a chance to celebrate his birthday on his actual birth date, for two days all I heard every five minutes was, when are we having daddy's birthday? When do we get cake? When are "we" going to open presents!? Birthday? Cake? Presents? Birthday? Cake? Presents? 

I felt like I was stuck in a shampoo horror film.

Rinse, lather, repeat. Rinse, lather, repeat!


Savannah was freaking out because she didn't have a present for daddy. You should have seen it. Oh what should I get, what could I buy! The drama, the horror!

No, seriously, I thought she was going to faint from hyperventilation.

But daddy assured her that he just wanted her to make him something.

Half a ream of paper later, I think she was finally satisfied with herself.

Not long before we dug out the cake, we had some friends drop by unexpectedly, which was perfect! Now we had something that almost resembled a birthday party.

And with their kids singing in chorus with ours, we could have given the Von Trapp family a run for their money.

And yes, it really did take him two breaths to blow out his candles. He took that as a sign of his "old age".


The kids had hardly finished licking their bowls clean before they brought out their presents.

Savannah and Joseph did everything themselves, even the wrapping job.

I have to point that out so as not to confuse anyone. It is a rather magnificent wrapping job and I don't want to take all the credit.

Even if I did teach them everything they know.

The "magic wands" were Jacob's gift to daddy. He just couldn't keep them wrapped. Daddy must have opened the box they were in ten times.

Oh, were they proud of themselves.

And drum roll please!

The first present out of the box is....

a chinese man!

I think....

I'm actually not sure if this is suppose to be me and daddy, or daddy and Savannah.

And of course we can't forget the birthday card!

"Dear dad, i love

you. I wonderd
what i shoud get 
For you. I tryed
and tryed but I
cuodn't think of any
thing to give you."

I Love you!

There were of course, many other "gifts" on the box, but those were my favorite.

Next came Joseph's box.

First daddy pulled out several paper circles, which Joseph proudly explained were bombs, then daddy pulled out his new special sword!

Well, one of them anyway.

Turns out, there were several swords in the box.

So watch out people, things can get a little dicey around here! Bah ha! Ha....... ha....... okay ya, that was the worst joke I've ever heard.

There's no point in telling what I got him for his birthday, 'cause quite frankly, it wasn't nearly as cool as these presents.

*sigh* It's a sad day indeed when your children give better gifts than you do.

I take some comfort in knowing that at least my birthday cake was big hit!

I guess now would be a bad time to remind hubby that I had found a few grey hairs last time I cut his hair. Especially since he suddenly thinks he's old or something. 

June 10, 2011

Cheerios: My Arch Nemesis

*casting pleading eyes heavenward while mouthing silently, why me?*

*deep breath... inner peace... in-in-in-inner peace....*

Sometimes, I despise Cheerios.

And there are times I swear that Cheerios were invented just to make my life that much more...... interesting.

I also think they might be in cahoots with Colossal Berry Crunch and Kix to strategically undermine any remaining sanity I might posses, since it was their presence scattered all over my kitchen floor the other day that drove me to find peace in my chocolate stash. 

And no, I did not style Alayna's hair that way. It magically does that all on its own. 

June 9, 2011

I never said they were shy!

I had several errands to run yesterday, so I managed to make my kids presentable complete with combed hair and clothes that...eeehh.... mostly matched, and off we went.

At our second stop of the day, I was searching for a birthday present.

My hubby turns 31 this weekend and he's kind of freaking out about it. Apparently turning 30 didn't bother him, but 31? Now that's a whole other story!

Anyhow, I was at Kohl's which is a clothing store where they have these shopping carts that somewhat resemble a stroller with a shopping bag in the back. I had been looking for one with double seats but they appeared to be gone, so I just put Alayna and Claira in the single seater.

And then I started to wonder if bringing all five kids had been a good idea.

A few moments later, one of the cashiers brought me a double seater saying that just after I had walked away from the front of the store, one was brought back.

After offering my many thanks she said, "Oh, I have two kids so believe me, I totally understand."

Oh... uh... *blank stare... blink blink*

And I smiled at her well intentioned comment.

Anyhow, I bit later my kids were getting bored as they tend to do when they aren't allowed to go running and screaming through the store in their underwear. So they started saying hi to everyone they saw.


Soon the was an older lady with an arm in a sling who walked through their midst and was instantly bombarded with some rather loud hello's. Being good natured, she paused and gave them all smiles and said hi in return.

Then Savannah spoke up. "What's that on your arm?"

And the boys echoed her question, several times.

Once they all finally stopped asking, she was able to answer that it was a sling for her hurt shoulder.

A chorus of "ooohhhhssss" followed and before I could blink an eye, Savannah had walked right up to her and gave her a big ole' fat hug.

Since you never really know how people are going to react I do believe I was actually holding my breath.

But the lady just laughed, even got a little teary-eyed and said, "Now that's just what I've been needing all day!"

Whew! That wasn't nearly as awkward as Savannah pausing in front of a man covered in tattoos and piercings and asking me right in front of him why he has a ring in his nose.


Of course, it might be my fault. Sometimes I encourage it. Like a little while back at the grocery store, there was an elderly gentleman with a cowboy hat on and Savannah asked me if he was a cowboy. I told her I didn't know and that she should ask him.

And she did.

And he said he was.

I can't say being shy is something my kids are good at.

It's a mixed blessing.

June 7, 2011

Who's writing this nonsense?



*yawn yawn yawn*

*yaaa - awwn*



Oui, I think my jaw is going to break off. It always starts poppin' on me when I get to yawning too much.

Or when I chew gum. Not that you needed to know that, nor is it relevant to this post.

But now you know.

*awkward silence*

Okay then... anyway, I think Claira has hit a growth spurt and she's keeping me up a lot more at night. The pitter-patter of little feet and the rustling of diaper covered bums often come way too soon for me in the mornings.

But what can you do. I'm a diaper changing goddess, even in my sleep.

Some people walk in their sleep, others talk in their sleep. And still others change diapers in their sleep.

I think I deserve a badge, or at least a t-shirt for that kind of talent, don't you think?

The kids are learning to be quite independent. They've even gone so far as to simply help themselves to breakfast without even asking me.

Although catching them eating cold hot dogs this morning turned my stomach. Gross.

Thankfully I haven't had anymore emotional breakdowns since, you know *leaning close to the monitor to whisper*  that one particular day, if you know what I mean, *clearing throat* but I have to confess to having a bit of a short fuse lately.

So I ate some chocolate, and read a few chick-flicky books. A good, clean, romantic story always puts me in a better mood.

What? I'm only female.

But then Hubby comes home and I tell him he needs to make-out with me.

Then he looks at me like I've lost my mind.

Which is strange, you'd think by now he'd know I had lost it a long time ago.

Still, all in all we've been surviving rather well on hot dogs, cereal, and macaroni and cheese, which my kids had three nights in a row last week. But that's okay, right? Right? RIGHT??

(btw Cassie, thanks again for dinner last night. It was a yummy!)

I've even gone out a couple times by myself with all five kids and honestly, it really didn't seem any harder than going out with four.

Of course, Claira isn't quite three weeks old yet, so there's still plenty of time for me to change my opinion.

I think the most frustrating part for me is I feel like... okay, I've had the baby, everything should be back to normal already!

I hate that my insides still hurt when I stand too long or work too hard, that I still feel exhausted and have a hard time getting out of bed before 8am. I hate that I still have 20 pounds to lose and that none of my clothes fit. (vanity people, pure and simply, and I'm not ashamed to admit it) I hate that I'm still hormonal and everybody knows it.

I don't have time to be tired for crying in the bucket!  I've got things to do, places to go, kids to raise!

Where's the complaint box, I need to leave a note.


*yawn yawn*

Still all is going well, even if my mind is a big puddle of mushy brain cells. Can't even blog properly.

Wait, what are we talking about? What's the point of this post? 'Cause I honestly have no clue.

Who's writing this stuff anyway?

Oh ya, me. Hmmm... sorry 'bout that.

At any rate, this gorgeous little girl is totally worth it.

Even my squishy stomach muscles thinks so.

June 4, 2011

Is this proof that men never grow up?

Have you ever noticed how some people blog about the strangest things? Totally random, unimportant, and inconsequential things?

And isn't it such a relief to know that when you come visit my blog, all the posts are enthralling, inspiring, vitally important, and will in some way inevitably change your life?

Allow me to demonstrate.

This is my husband's deodorant.

I know, that was deep. I got chills just writing it. Pretty inspiring if you ask me.

But wait, look here, on the back. It gets even better.

Allow me to read it to you.

*clearing throat*


Now, I don't know about you, but I've never seen such things on the back of MY deodorant. And quite frankly, I'm a little jealous!

I guess even when men are old enough to need something like deodorant, it doesn't mean they've outgrown the desire to use phrases like, "Atomic Robots" and "Stench Monsters".

Is this proof that men really don't ever grow up?

Still, I must admit that I am curious to know if the atomic robots in my deodorant shoot lasers at my stench monsters.

Now aren't you glad you came by today?

I bet you'll never look at deodorant the same way again.

See? It changed your life.

June 2, 2011

Another dime for my jar.

I finally went grocery shopping for the first time in about, oh... three weeks.

Yea, it was getting bad. Which is why we had a really special dinner of Little Ceaser's Hot n' Ready pizza on Memorial Day.

Anyhow, the kids were in bed and since Hubby was painting down in the basement, I took little Claira with me.

At the check-out line, a pregnant lady asked me how old my baby was. And despite the fact that Claira was dripping in pink, the question was still put forth in a "how old is he or she?" form.

I just knew I should have stuck a big ole' flower on her head before we left.

Whatever. But I've never known anyone with a boy who's dressed him in pink.

Just sayin'.

Anyway, when I told her she was about two weeks old, her eyes got really big and said, "Wow, shouldn't you be at home, you know, kickin' back and relaxing? Getting a massage from your husband or something?"

HA HAHAHAHAHA..... oh wait...... were you being serious?

I tried not to choke on my own laughter as I swallowed it down. Such an assumption about my husband... ha ha! *snort snort* She obviously knew nothing about us. (Sorry babe, but you know its true. Neither one of us are big massage givers)

And I was seriously starting to think she was a first time mom. 'Cause as all of you out there know, there's no such thing as" kickin' back and relaxin'" when there are other kids to take care of.

So I just jokingly commented that that hasn't really happened in the whole of my child bearing experience.

Then she asked how many kids I had.

So I told her, five.

I almost said it along with her when she replied, "Oh wow! *insert awkward pause here* You don't look old enough to have five kids."

"Yea.... I get that a lot".

*clink* And there's another dime for my "you don't look old enough to have four five kids" comment jar.

Maybe I will be able to afford to get Hubby that big screen television he wants for his birthday after all!

Or... not.
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