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I knew this time around with a new baby would be interesting and perhaps a bit more difficult than usual. (plus, rumor has it number five is hard, so I was scared chocolate-less, but so far so good)
No one was coming to help out, Hubby is swamped at work and hasn't really been able to take any time off, though he's tried to help as much as he can, and I knew not to expect much in way of meals, although a couple of my friends have come through for me.
But really, no need mail me military MRE's just yet. But I'll let you know.
And I was okay with all that. I like to pretend that I'm tough and buff and can handle anything. I'm not above pretending the ridiculous.
But staying up all night with a new baby and being awake all day with a bunch of toddlers can wear a girl down, even one with an effective chocolate stash.
So I must partake of humble pie once in a while. And it can be nasty stuff.
The other day was cold and dreary and wouldn't stop raining! Claira had quite literally kept me up the whole night.
Hubby left for work at quarter to six, and at 7:30am I forced myself out of bed, slogging my way through the foggy slush of my semi-conscious state to get Savannah up and ready for school.
With the other three kids up and about, I could only hope they'd entertain themselves since all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed. But toddlers left alone too long get bored, and that can be dangerous and very, very messy.
By 10:30am, I knew I was in big trouble. I called up Hubby at work hoping, but not really expecting, to see if he'd be able to come home for a while.
He could tell I was frazzled and suggested I call someone to come take the kids for a while.
Now, I'm not above asking for help, nor will I turn it away if genuinely offered. Still, the whole, "Now, call me if you need anything!" thing doesn't work for me. I probably won't call. I'm one of those people who need you to say, "Okay, I'm coming to get your kids! Does Thursday work for you?"
I feel like I'm bothering and imposing on them, you know? Not that I mind in the least when someone calls me, I just struggle to be the one doing the calling.
Still, I decided it was time to take a nice, big, heaping bite of humble pie. Yuck.
I called a girl in my ward who had offered help several times. Up to this point I was simply feeling tired and frustrated, but the second she picked up the phone, I literally started sobbing.
Ugh! How embarrassing! There's nothing worse than crying in front of someone!
Well, okay... yes, there are plenty of things far more embarrassing, but you get the point.
After she said she'd be over in a few minutes to get my kids, I regained my composer and again felt okay. Cause I'm tough and buff, remember?
But the second I opened the door for her, I started sobbing again! Gah! Where the heck was my self-control! I didn't have any at that moment I guess.
She was totally gracious about it, and left with the kids.
Poor girl will never be able to look at me the same again. I wonder if she'll hide from me at church?
I sat there for a while, contemplating on the whole of my situation and decided I needed to change a few things, mainly my attitude. I chose to have this baby, I want this baby, so it was time to suck in my gut, cinch my belt a little tighter (metaphorically speaking of course, even if it did give me a wicked muffin top) and get over myself.
Yesterday I said a prayer or two...... or sixty-four, begging for help, patience, energy, kindness, my skinny jeans back, and just about every other motherly virtue I could think of.
I got all spruced up and ready for the day, did some dishes and laundry, and instead of hiding in the bedroom, I lounged on the couch. It's amazing how much of a difference that makes for the kids!
When Hubby came home for lunch he asked how I was holding up and commented that I seemed to be doing a little better.
And then I said the first thing that came to my mind.
"Well, I figured it was time to put on my big girl panties and get over myself."
Clearly my response shocked him cause he burst into laughter.
But it's true. I can't allow myself to mentally go to the "woe is me" place. So yesterday was actually pretty good!
Although admittedly, I think pulling weeds was a bit much.
So, here goes another day. So far so good!
Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't plan on eating cookies and sleeping all weekend.
Nor does it mean that I won't call you up tomorrow sobbing, begging you to take my kids for a while.
Oh, wipe that horrified look off your face, I was only kidding.....