April 15, 2013

Eggless Eggnog - A Re-Post

I try not to re-post old blog posts very often. But I was thinking of this one today and it made me laugh. So if you haven't read this one before, enjoy!

Well, maybe.


This story came up came up last weekend while talking to my younger brother. I was surprised he had never heard it before, as it was one of the finer moments for my younger self and proves that I have always been a cooking goddess.

And so, I have come forth to record it for all to see, and bow before my cooking prowess... or not. 

I can't recall exactly how old we were, perhaps 10 and 11 or so?  But it was Christmas time when my older sister Jenny, and I decided to take matters into our own hands.

 (This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this story. We were merely trying to save all the "wild flowers" (aka weeds) from death by lawn mower. Cause we had big hearts like that. I'm sure my mom appreciated the giant bouquet we made.)

We really, really wanted eggnog. When you grow up in a house where sweet things were rare, you learned to improvise... a lot.

I would spend an hour tackling the lid on the five gallon bucket of raw honey, as it was quite often the onlysweet thing in the house, just to be able to slip my spoon in under the corner I barely managed to pry up. 

But that was before I learned where my dad hid his candy stash... errr, not that I ever swiped anything dad... honest! Mostly... *cough* anyway.

I digress.

As there was no eggnog to be found in the house, we decided to make some, because we were cooking geniuses.

We dug up a recipe for eggnog and immediately headed for the kitchen.

"6 eggs" were the very first items on the ingredient list.

Jenny and I looked at each other. Having always been warned of the evils of raw eggs and knowing full well that one never just ate them let alone drank them, we set about hard boiling six eggs.

While that was cooking, we mixed all the other ingredients together and had some nice, sweet, cinnamony flavored milk. All we needed was the eggs.

After all, it is called "egg"nog, right?

Once the eggs had finished cooking, we peeled off the shells. That's when we suddenly realized that there was something odd about this recipe.

"Umm, how do you think they mash up the eggs so well there aren't any chunks?"

"I don't know! But let's try."

Getting out the eggs masher and taking turns, we mashed, and mashed, and mashed, and mashed, and mashed some more, trying to make them all "creamy". But all we got was a bowl full of dry, crumbly eggs. 

Finally frustrated, we decided that we should just add the eggs to the wet ingredients and blend them. Perhaps then they would creamify! (cause creamify is a cool word)

But alas, to our great disappointment, all we got was chunky milk.

Finally deciding that whoever wrote the recipe was a total idiot, or had some fancy mashing machine, we strained out the eggs and drank the milk.

Yes, you read that right.

And so, my sister and I continued to make egg less eggnog for many a special occasion, and sometimes even went to far as to share with our siblings.

 (picture taken before my youngest brother was born)

We always wondered how the store bought eggnog makers managed to mash their eggs up enough so they were creamy enough to drink.

To this day, it remains a unsolved mystery.

P.S. My sister added: By the way if you recall I think this recipe called for egg "whites" and we couldn't figure out how to get the white of the egg unless it WAS boiled. That was an awesome time!

2 super cool people speak:

Sara Lyn said...

This story always makes me laugh!

Katherine said...

I think I've heard this story before, but it's a classic. It did remind me of the episode of Big Bang Theory where Penny kept topping off her eggnog carton with rum until there wasn't any eggnog left and she was drinking straight rum. But I figured you, especially at such a tender age, didn't mean that kind of eggnog.

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