February 2, 2012
To all you beautiful, lovely, incredible women out there who have written me lately expressing such deep, heart-felt feelings of sorrow and pain, fear and courage, doubt and decision about your children and your role as a young mother, I want you to know how amazing you are. And I also want you to know, you are not alone.
Everyone wears the mask of bravery and happiness to hide their pain, fear, doubt, or sorrow, at some point in their lives. Everyone.
Am I always as happy as my posts make me out to be? Of course not. Often they are a mere moment in my day, a funny experience I latch on to to uplift and sustain me. Sure I try to be real and honest on here, but if I were to share every piece of dirty laundry I have sitting in my basket, you guys would probably never come back.
Would it surprise you to know that Hubby and I got in a big fight several days ago and we are just barely starting to work through it? That our relationship in general takes a lot of effort and work? That my kids have been screaming and fighting, hitting and crying almost non-stop for days? That come dinner time I have smoke curling from my flared nostrils and I am barking bedtime orders double time with no patience?
It got so bad I broke open the bag of chocolate chips that I promised myself not to touch until I actually used it in a recipe.
Pish, whatever. Recipe be hanged.
The other night I fed my children chicken nuggets and hot dogs for dinner because I flat out had no desire to cook.
That's pure mom awesomeness right there. I deserve a prize. I'm thinking something cute for my feet. Shoes are ever forgiving and never judge me. Unlike my jeans who are so critical of all the chocolate I eat.
Whatever. They don't like it? They can always be replaced.
In all sincerity though, I am well aware that so many are fighting pains and sorrows deeper than I have ever experienced in my life. And sometimes that makes me feel petty. I try not to be, but I suppose I often am.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. All of us here, now, reading this, are struggling with something.
It may not be okay today, or tomorrow, or the next day.
But hang in there and before you know it, it will be okay.
One day at a time.
P.S. Okay, be honest you guys. Is it weirding you out that I'm writing all these serious posts lately? Would you rather I stick to the comic relief? 'Cause I can do that. I confess I'm feeling rather uncertain about my blog these days, if posts like this are really wanted. It has always been a funny-happy place. But now I'm writing all these strange, serious things.
Go ahead, you can comment anonymously if you have to. I can handle it.... if you break it to me gently.... I have an extra stash of chocolate by my side for back-up.