March 4, 2011

Flashback Friday: Eggless eggnog?

This story came up came up last weekend while talking to my younger brother. I was surprised he had never heard it before, as it was one of the finer moments for my younger self and proves that I have always been a cooking goddess.

And so, I have come forth to record it for all to see, and bow before my cooking prowess... or not.

I can't recall exactly how old we were, perhaps 10 and 11 or so?  But it was Christmas time when my older sister Jenny, and I decided to take matters into our own hands.

 (This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this story. We were merely trying to save all the "wild flowers" (aka weeds) from death by lawn mower. Cause we had big hearts like that. I'm sure my mom appreciated the giant bouquet we made.)

We really, really wanted eggnog. When you grow up in a house where sweet things were rare, you learned to improvise... a lot.

I would spend an hour tackling the lid on the five gallon bucket of raw honey, as it was quite often the only sweet thing in the house, just to be able to slip my spoon in under the corner I barely managed to pry up.

But that was before I learned where my dad hid his candy stash...

Errr, not that I ever swiped anything dad... honest! Mostly... *cough* anyway.

I digress.

As there was no eggnog to be found in the house, we decided to make some, because we were cooking geniuses.

We dug up a recipe for eggnog and immediately headed for the kitchen.

"6 egg whites" were the very first items on the ingredient list.

Jenny and I looked at each other. Having always been warned of the evils of raw eggs and despite being geniuses, couldn't figure out how to separate the yoke from the white. So we did the only logical thing and set about hard boiling six eggs.

While that was cooking, we mixed all the other ingredients together and had some nice, sweet, cinnamony-flavored milk. All we needed was the eggs.

After all, it is called "egg"nog, right?

Once the eggs had finished cooking, we peeled off the shells. That's when we suddenly realized that there was something odd about this recipe.

"Umm, how do you think they mash up the eggs so well there aren't any chunks?"

"I don't know! But let's try."

Getting out the eggs masher and taking turns, we mashed, and mashed, and mashed, and mashed, and mashed some more, trying to make them all "creamy". But all we got was a bowl full of dry, crumbly eggs.

Finally frustrated, we decided that we should just add the eggs to the wet ingredients and blend them. Perhaps then they would creamify! (cause creamify is a cool word)

But alas, to our great disappointment, all we got was chunky milk.

Finally deciding that whoever wrote the recipe was a total idiot, or had some fancy mashing machine, we strained out the eggs and drank the milk.

Yes, you read that right.

And so, my sister and I continued to make egg less eggnog for many a special occasion, and sometimes even went to far as to share with our siblings.

 (picture taken before my youngest brother was born)

We always wondered how the store-bought eggnog makers managed to mash their eggs up enough so they were creamy enough to drink.

To this day, it remains a unsolved mystery.

20 super cool people speak:

Garden of Egan said...

I'm trying not to dry heave right now.
I can't stand eggnog on a good day.
It's just disgusting.

YOU my friend have taken it to a whole new level.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

LOL! Sorry. My brother hates eggnog too.

But hey, when you're a desperate little kid, you'll try anything!

Neisha said...


Amanda Joy said...

This made me laugh so hard. I can picture the whole thing. I can't handle the thickness of store bought eggnog anymore. My mom's homemade stuff is so creamy but chunks:) We also buy "soynog" that Silk stuff. It is really good to make egg nog french toast with.

iamwoman said...

OH MY GOSH...I think you have forever ruined my eggnog love. Did you seriously make it again?


The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Hahaha, this is SOOOOOOOOOO funny!!! Eggnog is amazing but I feel my booty growing as I drink it. :)

Sue said...

What a great family! My sister and I used to whip up some pretty strange concoctions, too. Once we even "processed" the olives from our olive tree. Oddly, part of our brilliant technique included leaving them overnight to soak in the toilet and then dropping them off the balcony.

I know. We were weird.


Sara Lyn said...

Awesome! That must have tasted just fantastic. :)

Momza said...

I love eggnog!
My kids love eggnog in all of its creamy sweet goodness!
I love that you shared your concoction with your siblings...that's so very "love one another as I have loved you" of you!

Larsen said...


You nerd...why are you blogging about eggnog when the rest of us are begging for summer to show up.

You're inviting Christmas weather with this kind of talk.

Cheeseboy said...

This is the first post I have laughed out loud at in more than a week. That is plain nasty.

And you wonder why I keep coming back.

Valerie said...

Hilarious!!!! I do like egg nog, but that sounds so awful.

Saimi said...

I'm throwing up right now! I hate egg nog and can't even believe anyone would ever drink that stuff!!

Enough of that discussing subject and on to the cuter side of things, I mean what an awesome family picture and I do believe all your children have your adorable smile!!

ldsjaneite said...

I may be turned off eggnog for a little bit. But I'm sure my love for it will return by the holidays. Of course, knowing my odd cravings, I may even be intrigued to try this to see how it tastes. I'm just that gross. :-)

I like that you took it into your own hands--and that you had a co-conspirator!

Sarah said...

This is hilarious!


You're cute in those pictures:)


Mama Smith said...

I LOVE these "stories" long after you and your siblings have left home...It is AMAZING...the things that "parents" were not privy to WHILE we were all under the SAME ROOF! I am QUITE ENJOYING it all...

Wonder what my reaction would have been back then? (smile)

Teachinfourth said...

Sorry, I was distracted by the Alan Mills shot...I have a couple of those, too...

Jenny said...

I will say this for myself... I can make some great eggnog now that even those that hate the stuff will love it... trust me I tried it on a friend

Jenny said...

By the way if you recall I think this recipe called for egg "whites" and we couldn't figure out how to get the white of the egg unless it WAS boiled. That was an awesome time!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Is that why? Dang, I had forgotten that part! LOL! We were so awesome.

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