January 31, 2011

My scale is lying, I just know it!

I stepped on the scale for the first time in weeks, yesterday morning before church.

This was a serious lapse in judgment on my part.

I stared at the number looking up at me. Surely there must be some mistake! This scale must not be working right! I thought to myself.

Feeling reassured that the scale must be wrong, I got off, then got back on again. Still convinced that something was amiss, I repeated the motion... three more times.

The number stayed horrifyingly the same.

So as I sat in church, munching on my shortbread Sandie cookies, with chocolate and almond bits, I contemplated on a recent experience.

I had decided to do a little maternity clothes shopping and happened to stop in at Motherhood Maternity to check out their clearance racks. (cause I'm just too cheap to buy anything full price there)

After chatting with the sales girl for a minute, I realized that she too was pregnant. We were about the same height, though she was a little taller, and about the same belly size.

She graciously asked how far along I was, which was about 21 weeks or so at the time. I, in turn, asked how far along she was assuming we'd be pretty close.

Eight months! She replied cheerfully.

I stared at her for a long moment and wanted to tell her I would never, ever shop there again since she all but killed off my self-esteem.

Instead I told her we could never be friends.

Jokingly of course... sort of.

So back in church, as I sank my teeth into my tenth cookie, I realized that perhaps my lack of exercise, late-night eating, and never ending sweet tooth just might have something to do with the atrocious weight gain.

However doubtful this may be, since I am inclined just to blame it on my scale, I suppose I have to consider the very remote possibility.

But it's not likely, cause nothing is ever my fault.

Just ask me.

So here I am at 23 weeks.

I purposefully cut my head off this time as I woke to find half my face red, swollen and a bit deformed. Wouldn't surprise me to find out I have yet another infection, this time in my face!

I feel like I must be setting some sort of weird body infection record with this pregnancy.

Cause I'm just cool like that.

P.S. This is not a self-criticism post. It's suppose to be funny and all in good humor!

19 super cool people speak:

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Girl, you need someone to bake you some real homemade cookies...I'll put some real meat on those bones. Why are you wasting your time with those store bought excuses for treats!??? I think you look great!

Hil said...

Something to make you feel better here:


oh, and here (scroll to the bottom):


I get massively huge during my pregnancies. My favorite is around 20 weeks when I am bigger than all my friends who are pregnant and they tell me "You just gain it early on, you'll level off". I love that because I never do level off. I just get bigger and bigger and bigger...

You look adorable and just perfect for a 23 week pregnant woman.

Garden of Egan said...

Honey, 5 pregnancies later that uterus knows what it's doing and is already planning for the big move.

"ya, I've done this four times before so I'm just gonna go ahead and stretch out right now instead of waiting till the last minute"

I'm pretty sure your scales may be broken too. BUT, that's a pretty cute baby bump.

Courtney said...

You look tiny as always.

Kristina P. said...

You look adorable and small! I don't know what you're talking about!

iamwoman said...

You look amazing;)

Amy said...

I used to always cut my head off in pregnancy pictures too. Its cuz my face got so fat.

Just look forward to that after-pregnancy weight drop. I'm still working on that last ten pounds.

Brittney said...

Oh Serene.

No one has any idea what you're talking about.

You look like your cute tiny self in pregnant form.

I think you should read this:

Neisha said...

you look great!

Saimi said...

I seem to have the same problem with my scale, except I'm not pregnant..Hm no excuses..By the way your belly looks adorable!

The Martos Fudge said...

OK... first of all, this is your 5th baby, and second have you seen m23 week shot? hahahahah. and the sad thing is... I do exercise. You look great..

T said...

your first mistake was forgetting to drop something heavy on the scale - breaking it into a million pieces the day you found out you were expecting. Silly girl.

my FIRST pregnancy I could have hidden (and did) the big news up until the 8th month.

by the 5th pregnancy - I was big as a house before the double pink line showed up.

Brenick said...

i honestly dont believe that someone would think you are 8 months pregnant. really? i looked like that at 23 weeks (probably a little bigger, actually. lol)

Laura, Ben, and family said...

I know somebody like that! Every now and then she starts to look pregnant. You know the stage - when you wonder if it's excess weight or pregnant? .... this is usually when she is 8 1/2 months along! She wears maternity clothes the last 2 weeks, just so people can tell she's pregnant .. not that she needs it! (4th and 5th babies, not just the first!!!)

Patty Ann said...

Don't worry about it. I get into maternity clothes before I hit three months, except for the first one. After that, it seems as if my body likes to show pregnant so much sooner than it used to. The bad news is that it comes off slower too. Oh well. They are sooooo worth it!!

the Gardners said...

lol! Ah Serene, thanks!

Nikki said...

If that's you at 23 weeks then I'm sorry, we too cannot be friends ;) JK. You look fab!

Stef said...

Did you ask her how many babies she has had? With each pregnancy, my weight went up and self esteem went down. How, can a person gain over 50 pounds with each child...seriously!! Huh. You look great!

Charlotte said...

By the time I had my last one, my uterus has given up. Conception = looked 3 months along. 3 months = people wondering when that baby was going to pop out. Due date = I don't even want to talk about it.

And then my body decided it liked to look pregnant and I still look that way. Even though my "baby" is already four.

Not to depress you or anything...

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...