Sometimes when other women talk about how much they love when their kids crawl into bed with them and snuggle up to them, and how they treasure those moments and the feel of those little bodies lovingly curled up next to them, it makes me feel like a Really. Lousy. Mom.
Terrible, in fact. Okay, worse then terrible.
Because I can't stand it when the kids crawl into bed with me! GAH HA ah-aaaarrrrrrgh....
I know, I know. You are sitting over there gasping in horror and wondering what kind of mom I am.
Well I'll tell what kind of mom I am. The kind of mom who wants to live to see the next day! The kind who wants all her body parts still tact when I gracefully swan dive out of bed in a haze of sleep deprived effort. The kind who wants to keep as much hair on her head as humanly possible. The kind who appreciates that her nose is somewhat straight and would rather not get it broken in the middle of the night.
I don't think I've ever had a kid crawl into bed with us and lovingly curl up into a slumber-filled snuggle. No no, kids in the bed means survival of the fittest.
It is all-out war.
Usually when Savannah crawls into our bed, I get a knee to the gut or a palm-smack to the face, not to mention she rolls over two hundred times an hour. Joseph usually kicks me in the back or clobbers my skull with his own. Jacob is more of a hands or feet tangled-in-the-hair kind of guy, but my face and back have also received love taps from his knuckles and feet. Once I woke to his toes poking my eyeballs.
Just last night, it was Alayna who crawled into the bed. I made the mistake of rolling over onto my back. And twice, not once... twice I about had the wind knocked out of me as restless little legs came full force down into my stomach as she tried to kick the covers off of her. When you are relaxed enough to be sleeping and something unexpected like that happens, believe you me, it hurts.
So I sit here in total awe at the moms who gush about loving their sweet sleeping children all snuggled up into bed with them. I mean, how does that work for you? Straitjackets?
Maybe if I went to bed with a football helmet and pads, I'd love it too. In the meantime, I'll do my best to stay alive by carrying kids back to their own beds every night.
'Cause in case you couldn't tell, they are capable of sleeping anywhere - in any position.