April 30, 2012

Sleep War

Sometimes when other women talk about how much they love when their kids crawl into bed with them and snuggle up to them, and how they treasure those moments and the feel of those little bodies lovingly curled up next to them, it makes me feel like a Really. Lousy. Mom.

Terrible, in fact. Okay, worse then terrible.

Because I can't stand it when the kids crawl into bed with me! GAH HA ah-aaaarrrrrrgh....

I know, I know. You are sitting over there gasping in horror and wondering what kind of mom I am.

Well I'll tell what kind of mom I am. The kind of mom who wants to live to see the next day! The kind who wants all her body parts still tact when I gracefully swan dive out of bed in a haze of sleep deprived effort. The kind who wants to keep as much hair on her head as humanly possible. The kind who appreciates that her nose is somewhat straight and would rather not get it broken in the middle of the night.

I don't think I've ever had a kid crawl into bed with us and lovingly curl up into a slumber-filled snuggle. No no, kids in the bed means survival of the fittest.

It is all-out war.

Usually when Savannah crawls into our bed, I get a knee to the gut or a palm-smack to the face, not to mention she rolls over two hundred times an hour. Joseph usually kicks me in the back or clobbers my skull with his own. Jacob is more of a hands or feet tangled-in-the-hair kind of guy, but my face and back have also received love taps from his knuckles and feet. Once I woke to his toes poking my eyeballs. 

Just last night, it was Alayna who crawled into the bed. I made the mistake of rolling over onto my back. And twice, not once... twice I about had the wind knocked out of me as restless little legs came full force down into my stomach as she tried to kick the covers off of her. When you are relaxed enough to be sleeping and something unexpected like that happens, believe you me, it hurts.

So I sit here in total awe at the moms who gush about loving their sweet sleeping children all snuggled up into bed with them. I mean, how does that work for you? Straitjackets?

Maybe if I went to bed with a football helmet and pads, I'd love it too. In the meantime, I'll do my best to stay alive by carrying kids back to their own beds every night. 

'Cause in case you couldn't tell, they are capable of sleeping anywhere - in any position.

13 super cool people speak:

Royalbird said...

Don't feel bad, I'm the same way. But not because my kids aren't good at snuggling. I really don't know if they are or aren't while they sleep. *I* don't like to snuggle when I sleep. *I* like to be as far away from another person while I sleep. I don't want them touching me or breathing on me or anything. And my kids would probably not go back to sleep but instead try to have a conversation or watch TV. No, I don't like having kids in bed with me. We can totally snuggle during the day if they want, just not at night while I'm trying to sleep. Sleep is elusive around here anyway, I treasure every minute of it when it's there.

Gina said...

Yeah... I definitely only think it's cute when it's first thing in the morning (you know, about thirty minutes before I was going to get up anyway) and they are mostly awake, so it really is just a snuggle-fest.

Middle of the night? No.
Wrestling around, trying to get comfortable? No.
Risking a diaper leak? NO.

Nicole said...

I never ever even let my kids out of their beds, let alone into mine. I like to sleep at night!

Brittney said...

haha, your kids sleep in crazy positions! I think I will always love my kids sleeping in their own beds too unless I'm awake and it's snuggle time.

So funny that I thought the first picture was Savannah!!! Who knew Alayna looked like Savannah at all? I didn't until I made that mistake!

marlece said...

This totally cracks me up! I think most of us use the 'excuse' to sleep with our darlings because we are just too pooped and don't want to get out of bed to put them back where they belong. SO, instead of telling the truth just as you did we make it sound like it is a beautiful experience! This just happened the other night, my baby crawls into bed with us kickin' and a movin', neither husband or I were willing to get our hinnies out of bed to move him, but when little darling son passed gas right on husbands leg he came out a flyin' to put darling back in bed oh so gently! hahahaha!

Jocelyn Christensen said...


Erinn said...

serene!! i followed a facebook link to your blog and i am just busting up over here!! i get the same treatment from my kids when they get in our bed, it's awful!!

i've scrolled through your blog a bit and hope you don't mind if i become a regular reader... it's refreshing to read your perspectives on motherhood and life!!


Garden of Egan said...

I've had a sideways sleeping grandchild with me for a week.

I forgot what it was like.

Motherhood is for you younguns

Lalani said...

I'm seriously impressed that she can sleep like that. Wow.

Sue said...

I never liked sleeping with my kids, either, so I never did.

They just came in to snuggle in the morning...and the rule was that the sun had to be up!


Amanda said...

I hate sleeping with my kids, but my son in particular. He grinds his teeth! I feel awful, because he's such a loving little guy and I know he won't be this way forever, but I simply can't handle being woken up every 20 minutes by that horrible sound.

Mama Smith said...

Ha...ha...Your dad simply...got out of bed...and found one of the "empty" beds to sleep in...When 4 or 5 of you ended up in our bed...he found it so much EASIER to go "find another bed!" At least ONE of us got to sleep well...I don't know why I never did it! Probably to tired to GET UP! (smile)

Jacki said...

This is a battle at our house, because my hubby loves having our baby girl (ok, she's 4!) in our bed. He gets a FABULOUS nights sleep while I am sleeping on a five inch spot on the bed with a knee in my back and a half of a corner of the sheet to cover up with. He likes it because he gets almost the whole bed to himself! I totally feel your pain..and i haven't gotten a full nights sleep in a LONG time. My poor daughter has weird sleep walking/talking issues.

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