It's okay, you can laugh.
Alright, that's enough. Let's not get all carried away now.
Not that Jacob, my third born seemed to have any consideration for my plans. Because when Joseph was five months old, I bought a pregnancy test.
When I took it that afternoon and it came back positive, I burst into tears. I immediately called my husband up at work and proceeded to tell him the news.
I think under normal circumstances my husband would have been the one to freak out, but the seemingly emotionally unstable girl sobbing on the other end of the phone call was enough to keep him grounded as he tried to tell me that everything was going to be okay.
In the moment, all I could see before me was another nine long months of terrible nausea, insomnia, headaches and back pain while I tried to take care of two other children under the age of two, finishing up my college courses so I could graduate, and meeting my deadlines for all the art portraits I had been commissioned to draw.
I also felt terribly guilty. Guilty for feeling overwhelmed and wishing the timing was different. My sister was struggling to get pregnant at the time and I had several friends who couldn't get pregnant. I knew of the vicious cycles of emotions these lovely ladies go through and I was sure this was going to be one tough announcement.
With my hormones on super active overdrive and way out of whack, I vaguely remember crying more during that pregnancy than in the whole of my life. It also seems as if most of that time is strangely blocked from my memory.
Jacob's pregnancy, not my whole life.
That would be awkward.
However, there is a night forever etched in my memory of a colossal breakdown where I literally sobbed so hard that I'm sure I was partially hyperventilating. I'm sure it was terribly attractive and that's why Hubby sat on the bed next to me, awkwardly patting my shoulder, probably wondering what kind of psycho chick he married.
Poor fellow. He must have missed the, "Dealing with female hormones - Beginners course".
Come to think of it, I missed that class too.... I mean, how the heck was I to know I had postpartum depression? No one ever tells me these things! Jeesh!
But we obviously survived and when Jacob came, he was one gorgeous little baby.
And strangely, after that I felt great and decided having three kids was infinitely easier than having two! It was as though my hormones were suddenly back on track.
As totally weird as that sounds.
Over the years it has become apparent that Jacob is the comic relief in this family. Even as a baby his full body laugh was highly contagious.
While like any child he can be difficult in many ways , he is also, hands down, the funniest. It's just his personality, his special trait. He laughs with everything he's got and perhaps that's why it's so dang contagious.
But hang it all, he is also down-right random! Of course you know this because you read my posts.
I went to pick him up from joy school the other day when the mom teaching that week turned to me and says, "You know, Jacob is really random. Today while the kids were sitting at the table coloring, he looks up and says, 'If you throw the ball up into the air it will break apart and turn into a bunch of alligators!' Then he just... went back to coloring."
She sounded amazed.
I wasn't even surprised.
The other day he came up to me holding a hat that my sister-in-law had given to the boys and asked, "Mom? Where did you get this hat?"
Me: "Aunt Heather gave it to you guys."
J: "Aunt Heather?"
Me: "Ya, you know, Jeremy and.... and..... oh what's his name's mom?"
J: "Harry Potter?"
Now THAT surprised me. It's not like I've ever read them the books or shown the movies. So don't ask me where in the world he pulled that one from.
I have contemplated on which parent he received this randomness from and decided it must be me.
Hubby is just WAY to logical.
After coming to this realization, I have decided something.
|Image from here|
I'm going to get Jacob this t-shirt someday.
Despite the overwhelming beginning, I wouldn't change when we had Jacob for anything. He is right where he should be, when he should be.
Life sometimes hands you a stack of cards that at first appears to be the losing hand. But it's amazing to see how so often at the end of the round, you had been holding the winning cards all along.
Looking back, I realize didn't have the foresight to look beyond the present.
So thank heavens for hindsight.
And calm hormones.
Oh... and chocolate. Just sayin'.