January 16, 2012

Random Hindsight

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was experiencing some mild postpartum depression after giving birth to my second child, Joseph. All I knew back then was that 1.) Two kids was really, really hard, and 2.) I was SO done having children for a while. A good loooooooooooong while.


It's okay, you can laugh.

Alright, that's enough. Let's not get all carried away now.

Not that Jacob, my third born seemed to have any consideration for my plans. Because when Joseph was five months old, I bought a pregnancy test.

When I took it that afternoon and it came back positive, I burst into tears. I immediately called my husband up at work and proceeded to tell him the news.

I think under normal circumstances my husband would have been the one to freak out, but the seemingly emotionally unstable girl sobbing on the other end of the phone call was enough to keep him grounded as he tried to tell me that everything was going to be okay.

In the moment, all I could see before me was another nine long months of terrible nausea, insomnia, headaches and back pain while I tried to take care of two other children under the age of two, finishing up my college courses so I could graduate, and meeting my deadlines for all the art portraits I had been commissioned to draw.

I also felt terribly guilty. Guilty for feeling overwhelmed and wishing the timing was different. My sister was struggling to get pregnant at the time and I had several friends who couldn't get pregnant. I knew of the vicious cycles of emotions these lovely ladies go through and I was sure this was going to be one tough announcement.

With my hormones on super active overdrive and way out of whack, I vaguely remember crying more during that pregnancy than in the whole of my life. It also seems as if most of that time is strangely blocked from my memory.

Jacob's pregnancy, not my whole life.

That would be awkward.

However, there is a night forever etched in my memory of a colossal breakdown where I literally sobbed so hard that I'm sure I was partially hyperventilating. I'm sure it was terribly attractive and that's why Hubby sat on the bed next to me, awkwardly patting my shoulder, probably wondering what kind of psycho chick he married.

Poor fellow. He must have missed the, "Dealing with female hormones - Beginners course".

Come to think of it, I missed that class too.... I mean, how the heck was I to know I had postpartum depression? No one ever tells me these things! Jeesh!

But we obviously survived and when Jacob came, he was one gorgeous little baby.

And strangely, after that I felt great and decided having three kids was infinitely easier than having two! It was as though my hormones were suddenly back on track.

As totally weird as that sounds.

Over the years it has become apparent that Jacob is the comic relief in this family. Even as a baby his full body laugh was highly contagious.

While like any child he can be difficult in many ways , he is also, hands down, the funniest. It's just his personality, his special trait. He laughs with everything he's got and perhaps that's why it's so dang contagious.

But hang it all, he is also down-right random! Of course you know this because you read my posts.

I went to pick him up from joy school the other day when the mom teaching that week turned to me and says, "You know, Jacob is really random. Today while the kids were sitting at the table coloring, he looks up and says, 'If you throw the ball up into the air it will break apart and turn into a bunch of alligators!' Then he just... went back to coloring."

She sounded amazed.

I wasn't even surprised.

The other day he came up to me holding a hat that my sister-in-law had given to the boys and asked, "Mom? Where did you get this hat?"

Me: "Aunt Heather gave it to you guys."

J: "Aunt Heather?"

Me: "Ya, you know, Jeremy and.... and..... oh what's his name's mom?"

J: "Harry Potter?"

Now THAT surprised me. It's not like I've ever read them the books or shown the movies. So don't ask me where in the world he pulled that one from.

I have contemplated on which parent he received this randomness from and decided it must be me.

Hubby is just WAY to logical.

After coming to this realization, I have decided something.

Image from here
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I'm going to get Jacob this t-shirt someday.

Despite the overwhelming beginning, I wouldn't change when we had Jacob for anything. He is right where he should be, when he should be.

Life sometimes hands you a stack of cards that at first appears to be the losing hand. But it's amazing to see how so often at the end of the round, you had been holding the winning cards all along.

Looking back, I realize didn't have the foresight to look beyond the present.

So thank heavens for hindsight.

And calm hormones.

Oh... and chocolate. Just sayin'.

13 super cool people speak:

Amy said...

How can I help but love you to pieces?!

Great story. Great outcome. Great kid!! Alligators. Harry Potter. Hilarious!!!

A Bark Above said...

lol I sobbed like a baby when I found out I was pregnant with #3, if I had known how horribly sick I was going to be, I think I would have checked into the asylum. But I got my girl:) All that pickness erased any doubts:) jacob sounds like my Charles. Charles has a sarcastic quick humor, you look at his eyes and KNOW he is laughing at something.

Saimi said...

Love that saying it's so perfect!! And, your right, he is so cute and such a happy kid!!

Royalbird said...

Well, the third born IS the most intelligent, most talented, best-looking, etc., etc. I cried when I found out I was having #4. After three boys in three years I was ready for a small-ish break but my 3rd baby was only 6 months when I found out I was expecting again. And I got my daughter. And then was unable to conceive again for nearly three years. So it all works out for a reason, I guess. (Someday, I hope to be able to find out what all the "reasons" are!)

Sue said...

My fourth child was completely unplanned, and I couldn't even tell anyone for the first months because I needed time to adjust to it myself. (I was thin enough then to hide the evidence!)

But oh boy, I'd sure hate to be without that youngest son of mine. And little did I know I'd start to have problems with my uterus not long afterwards.

So I agree that our kids come when they're supposed to. (I was using three forms of birth control when I got pregnant with that fourth child.) Three!

Guess the Lord trumps birth control.


Sarah said...

Tender, tender even with those funny random words! :)
Love you!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Amy - LOL! Thanks girlfriend! He sure is something else!

A Bark Above - It's amazing sometimes what it takes to get those cute little babies! HA! Asylum... I hear ya girl, I hear ya!

Saimi - Thanks!

Royalbird - Crazy how all the timing works out sometimes! Bytheway, I hope you're feeling better these days.

Sue - Three forms of birth control? Wowza! I guess he just decided there was no stopping him! :D

Sarah - Thanks my friend!

Stef said...

That sounds a little like the overwhelming feeling I got when I found out I was prego with my 4th. Boy, that was tough...and emotional...and a little ugly. But we made it and I wouldn't have it anyother way.

Mama Smith said...

It took me pregnancy #5...to hit that wall...Wasn't ready to have 5 children...5 years of age and under...But, for all those who know our "Rebekah"...she is our FULL SPICE RACK! But, the blessing that I was given...was that she was "assigned to me PERSONALLY!" (at the time...I could only "groan"...)They were VERY interesting choice of words...But, her TALENTS...blessed my life...in ways...that I will be "eternally" grateful...THANK GOODNESS...or I assure you...she would have been the FIRST CHILD...to be OBSERVED in a REAL LIFE ZOO! (smile)

Larsen said...

We can make that shirt.

just sayin'.

Randy,Sarah,Zanna, Jossilyn said...

May I quote you on my blog? The "Life sometimes hands you a stack of cards..." It's ok if you say no, just wondering. That's good stuff!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Sarah: I don't mind at all! Go for it, quote away! I actually feel all famous or something now. LOL!

Randy,Sarah,Zanna, Jossilyn said...

Thanks! You're the best!

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