It feels strange.
This new year had come without fan fair or recognition at our house. It came and went just like any other day. Hubby sick with a cold, the kids alternating between playing and fighting as always, the baby waking up cranky at 12:30am. I don't even remember what we had for dinner New Years Eve... leftovers?
I feel rather unprepared as I see others writing about goals and resolutions, their big plans for change and betterment.
I confess I have hardly thought much along those lines. This holiday break has been something of a blur. First with me being so sick, then Hubby, I'm afraid we haven't done anything exciting,
Well, other than Hubby signed up for Netflix.
Whoa... I know right. We're moving up in the world!
I'm not saying I haven't thought about goals or things I want to change, organize, or accomplish, I just haven't mentally set myself up for those things yet. Perhaps as life returns to it's normal state of being this week, I'll regroup, refocus, and revamp.
But there has been one thing on my mind of late.
On occasion I receive a comment or an email from someone who honors me so deeply by sharing a piece of their inner turmoil or thoughts, usually concerning motherhood, sometimes just life in general.
It always surprises and humbles me when I receive such things, and I confess it sometimes makes me feel guilty too. I wish I had wise advise to give, I wish I had helpful answers. But I am not any different than any other person trying to figure things out. And I really wish people wouldn't compare themselves to me.
Yes, I have sat down on my kitchen floor and cried out of pure discouragement. Yes, there have been times I have questioned my choices, even if they weren't bad one. Yes, I do have self-esteem issues. Yes, I do struggle with the intense responsibility of raising children and meeting their individual needs. Yes, sometimes I get flat out overwhelmed.
And sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes I'm great. Sometimes, life is incredible.
But not all the time.
So, as this new year kicks off, all I can hope for is to simply try a little harder to be a little better.
I came across this and I thought I would share.
"What can . . . young mother[s] [do] . . . to reduce the pressure [of raising young children] and enjoy [their families] more? . . .
"Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.
"Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: 'The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less' (Loud and Clear , 10-11)."
So here's to a new year and many new blog posts to come, filled with messes and mistakes, humor and joy, frustration and fear, love and just, well... life.