October 7, 2010

Lightbulb Toes

One of my least favorite features about myself are my toes.

Not that I know of anyone who particularly loves their toes. I've never heard anyone sigh dreamily and whisper, "Oh how I love my toes".

And If I did, I'd be really, really worried about them.

Still, we've all seen our fair share and know that some toes are nicer than others.

*shrug* It's just the way it is.

Aside from the fact that I inherited my father's shapely toes, which he affectionately refers to as "light bulbs", I also inherited my mom's tendency towards length. I was tempted to dish on what my 5'2" mother's shoe size is, but decided to respect her right to some privacy since I am five inches taller and wear only one size larger than her. (course, if you've been reading my blog long enough, you'd know my shoes size and could do the math accordingly... I would hope)

But the thing that bugs me the most about them, is they seem to stick out just enough to cause me excruciating pain.

If I had a quarter for every time my husband has stepped on them, or rammed into them with his big ole' honkin' work boots, we'd have the basement finished by now. He's broken more toe nails than I can recall and hang it all, I HATE when I break a toenail.


Yes, I really do growl.

The other thing that tends to happen, is that my pinky toe gets caught on, and jammed into corners, doors, and just about anything that is capable of making me suffer. I'm amazed I haven't broken one off by now.

But such is life, right? So I go along my merry way, waiting tentatively until the next broken toenail.

But my peaceful existence has become shattered lately, as I've been feeling rather ganged up on. Not only is my husband stepping on my extra-long toes, but now, so are my kids!

In their blasted shoes no less!

Come on, cut me some slack here kiddos! My toes deserve better treatment than this. They deserve to be pampered, massaged, and caressed!

Not that they've ever received such care.

My husband has only ever massaged my feet twice.

And once, he made me put HIS clean socks on first.


But no, they get trampled and squished, beaten to a pulp.

How do you think they must be feeling right about now? Huh? Huh!?

That right, feel guilty. Feel very, very guilty.

14 super cool people speak:

Kristina P. said...

I don't want to make you jealous, (OK, maybe a little), but my husband is an excellent foot rubber.

Jocelyn Christensen said...

What's up with husbands who won't rub our dirty feet...for rude! :)

One Cluttered Brain said...

my husband makes me wash my feet before he massages them too...Sheesh.

Some ppl.
toes are toes. Ya gotta have them of else U might fall over. lol.

Sue said...

Sounds like you need a nice pair of steel-toed boots!


PS. My daughter works for a podiatrist, and you will be sad to learn that people DO get plastic surgery on their toes. In fact, a woman had one of her knuckles removed from each toe to shorten them. Talk about craziness!

Melanie Jacobson said...

Yeah, I'm glad Sue broke it to you because I was going to feel bad if I had to be the first.

Patty Ann said...

I am a barefoot kind of person (ugly toes or not!) but with kids, I have learned to love bunny slippers. I am not talkin about cute feminine slippers, I am talking about the kind with the great big honking head!! My kids can step where ever they like :-) but if they step on my bunny slippers, they fall over, so they have learned not to come that close. It was a great lesson to learn. Now I am "toe stepped on" free. I should mention that the girls actually gave me those slippers one year, but it turned out to be the best christmas gift ever because they learned not to step on my feet!!

Saimi said...

But how many people can say they light up a room just by walking in it. Although, now that I think about it, it's your smile that lights up the room!

ldsjaneite said...

Hmm, well, I do kinda love my toes. Or at least the one. The cute little tiny one in the middle--shorter than all other 9. I've had temple workers comment on it. And shocked siblings who didn't realize until we were adults that the toe stopped growing. And that, best of all, I now have an identifying characteristic if I'm ever kidnapped. Unless said kidnapper cuts off all my toes....

But on your 6-inch heels and step back. Then maybe they'll realize they should be more careful. :-)

T said...

My last indulgent pedicure ended with me spending 4 months growing out some weirdness(I'm trying not to admit anything gross by saying fungal infection) and I've just finally painted them a HOT shade of Ho-Red. Of course, now they just look like Barney Rubble painted his toenails... they'll never be pretty.

Sara Lyn said...

I actually love my toes. I think they are one of my best features. :) But Morgan is with your on the lightbulb toes. I wonder which our kids will inherit? Sorry your toes get stepped on so much! :)

Polly Blevins said...

I actually have a really good friend who loves her toes. She is always talking about how cute her feet/toes are. She even put a tatoo on one toe on each foot to help them stand out.

Charlotte said...

If it makes you feel better, my toes would make you think one of my parents was a hobbit. I don't want to make you jealous, but I get to use tweezers to make me less self conscious about all the hair on them.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Your toes remind me of mine, that 2nd toe sticking out irritatingly much longer than the rest. I actually broke my 2nd toe because it's always poking out further than the rest!

M-Cat said...

No judging here on the toe issue. Right now mine are so jacked it's not even funny. I think I'm gonna start collecting all the toenails I lose

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