September 16, 2010

Onions and Swiss Cheese

I'm over at Mormon Mommy Blogs today, sharing about onions and obedience.

Say what?

It's true. Onions bring out my inner Aesop.

And when it comes to onions, I always get overwhelmed with deep emotion as I slice through one and inevitably end up in tears. I'm still trying to figure out what touches me so.

But I finally got to a point where I just couldn't take it anymore! Something had to change. I was just downright tired of smudging the mascara I took time out of my day to painstaking apply. Then fix after a child rams into my legs creating a black smear down my cheek that I don't think would ever be considered fashionable. All in the name of vanity.

With my time and vanity at stake, I finally dug out my old swim goggles.

I was feeling pretty darn clever as I adorned my swim goggles in my kitchen, slicing away at my onions and saving face, so to speak.

Until my small cluster of kiddies gathered around me, staring.

And staring.

And staring.

Mom, what is dat on your face?

They're goggles. They help protect my eyes.


Because onions hurt my eyes.


Because that's what onions do.


Mom? *sniffle* My eyes are hurting. I need da goggles.

Soon they were all fighting over who got to wear them first.

I strangely haven't seen them since that day.

I am still searching for an alternative to my swim goggles, although I haven't become desperate enough to try saran wrap yet.

But as far as the story I shared over at MMB goes, I had an exact experience just this morning, only with swiss cheese. (I don't normally buy it, but it was for a recipe)

Jacob: Mommy, I want cheese! *rummaging through the refrigerator door* I want this cheese!

Staring at the swiss cheese in his hand, I replied, You won't like that kind of cheese, it's different.

Jacob pulls it out of the bag. Yes I will! And with that, he took a big bite off the corner. See? I told you I would like it!

*chewing... silence... chewing... silence... face twists in disgust*

Mommy? This is yucky cheese. I don't want it!


See? Mommy knows everything!

And yet, they never seem to believe me.

Strange, I always listened to my mother. Always! I'm pretty sure I was the perfect child.

*psst... hey mom, I'll slip you a twenty if you agree with me*

19 super cool people speak:

Renee said...

I know they are expensive but they do make onion goggles and they are cheaper on Amazon

or you could just go to any store that sells pool goggles (at this time of year they may be in clearance). LOL It does work though, no wives tale. :)

Sara Lyn said...

"Inner Aesop?" Rene, you're hilarious!! I love it!

Neisha said...

where's the picture of you in the goggles?? :)

Polly Blevins said...

Drop some water on the onion as you cut. It takes out some of the potency. We used to have to do that when I worked at the Deli. It works, either that or mind over matter. Either way, less tears were shed.

Sue said...

You got this right! They never believe us!!

I heard once that putting a match in your mouth is supposed to help with onions. I never tried it.

My mom used to soak them in vinegar first.


Garvin Smith said...

Twenty? Only twenty?

Garden of Egan said...

Very awesome post!

Cute kidness!

Valerie said...

Wouldn't life be so different if they would just believe us about everything?!

Braden said...

Love the goggles! Maybe a sort of Hamburgler mask with a strip of saran wrap would work? Or just using dehydrated onions?

Kirk and Cami Hull said...

Like Polly says, use water. I rinse my onion off as I cut it. I rarely cry when I do this. If I chopped onion and it's sitting for a while, I sometimes soak the pieces in a bowl of water too. My hubby is super sensitive to onions and he doesn't even notice the smell when I've done this. Not as fashion-forward as onion goggles, but it works.

T said...

Water works for me every time - I rinse the onion and the knife several times and leave the water running... yes - probably more wasteful and I'm single handedly contributing to the destruction of the earth, but I'll do almost anything to avoid tears.

Amy said...

You know what's weird? Your post title made my preggy tummy turn. And I love the smell of onions. Even before the little ladybug started growing within.
I know. Gross, right?

Lara said...

You are too smart about the goggles. But unless you buy a bunch more, it looks like that might not work. I've heard holding the onion under water while cutting works. I just cry...I've never tried to anything. It's kind of cathartic, don't you think?

Mama Smith said...

Wonder what I could get out of your other siblings...for such a declaration! (smile)

Kate and Cole said...

I have the answer you've been looking for, and it's been proven to work on a food network show, seriously. You just keep your onions in the fridge. I NEVER get tears when I do this. Serious. Then you don't have to rinse the onion 50 times while your cutting it.

Cheeseboy said...

Oh great, now my dinner is going to smell like onions AND chlorine.

That Girl said...

Nope, people, I have your answer. Just put a piece of bread in your mouth. It absorbs the onion fumes (if you eat it afterward, it actually tastes like onions.)

(Don't eat it afterward.)

Nikki said...

So like more than half my husband's family has or does work at In N Out ('cuz we're insanely awesome like that) and they said the trick to onions (everyone tries to get promoted past onions as fast as possible, and not for the whopping $.25 raise) is to suck on a lemon while cutting them. I don't know if the bread trick works like That Girl said but you know, you might want to try that before the lemons...unless of course you just happen to love sucking on lemons (and when you're kids start fighting over who gets to suck on a lemon you can let them ALL try it at the same time and have your camera ready to go!!)

Charlotte said...

One good use is all I get from my cool toys, too. I am a genetic freak, I think, because onions don't bother my eyes. (After reading your comments, I must confess I do keep my onions in the fridge, maybe that is why and I can no longer worry about being a no-tears-onion-cutting mutant.

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