May 14, 2010

Dear Monkey Child,


Girl, I am going to strap a ball and chain to your ankles! Seriously!

How could I have forgotten this stage? It's not like it's been THAT long since your older siblings grew out of it... well, sort of grew out of it.

But I think it's safe to say that you are, by far, the worst yet!

After the sixth bowl of cereal and milk you've dumped over, the seventh glass of water you spilled, the fourth box of cereal you poured out, the box of goldfish you emptied, the bag of animal crackers you threw everywhere, (deep intake of breath) the couch you dismember at least six times a day, the bathtub you dive into, fully clothed, into the water, the windowsill you climb up into, the book case you attempt to pull yourself up on, the yogurt you grab and wipe all over the counter..... stop, just stop!!

I KNOW that I shouldn't be surprised, after all, you were doing a full flight of stairs, both up AND down well before you turned the ripe old age of one year.

But still, stop climbing!!! What are you, part monkey? Orangutan?

You should NOT be able to climb up the bar stools to the counter at 15 months. But you do. Six hundred times a day! Hence all the spilled water, yogurt, and bowls of cereal.

I leave for less than one minute and I find you here, atop our ever stylish plastic folding kitchen table.

And here!

Would it make ANY difference if I told you that is NOT where I hide the treats?

And if you don't like being stranded in the window sill, stop climbing up into it!!

*sigh* Gone are the days of ease and tranquility when I could close my bedroom door and hide away from the screaming for a minute... or twenty.

Why, just this morning, I walk into the kitchen and what do I find? You, pretending to be all Innocent and cute.

But the moment I turned my back, pretending to leave the room, I caught you in action! Ah ha!

And yes, I am FULLY aware of the fact that you are wearing basketball pajamas.

Because that's what happens when you have older brothers, and a slacker laundry mother.

You also climbed up into my computer chair and tried to sabotage this post, but I caught you in time, barely.

Oh, and lets not forget last week.

I had JUST finished cleaning the kitchen. Such joy, such peace.

Then a loud clatter brought me a runnin'.

Yea, daddy, was not too happy when you broke the drawer a couple days later.

And guess who got in trouble for it! Go on, guess!! That's right young missy, it certainly wasn't YOU!

And instead of feeling all remorseful and guilty, you rolled onto the floor and tried to smooch and cutsify your way out of trouble. (because "cutsify" is a cool word)

But I didn't fall for it! No sirree.... *arms folded across chest with my sternest face on... except for that dang smile that kept trying to creep up onto my face*

(interject real time event) "MOOOMMMMYYYYY!!!! Layna's on the counter and she made a mess with the yogurt!!"


That's it! You've officially driven me to the edge and so I must now take drastic measures.

Store tender, give me the good stuff.

Double shot of chocolate.

Straight up.

27 super cool people speak:

Kristine said...

Love how you can make us laugh at the very things most of us get frustrated with. Thanks :)

Jocelyn Christensen said...

straight UP! :)

ldsjaneite said...

She definitely embodies "cutsify" while taking after her other family members. In some pictures, her hair does look a little bit like a monkey's...
Like here:

Sue said...

Oh boy, I remember those days well. I found my little girl atop the fridge when she was 10 months old! How's that for crazy?

(And my daughter often wore her brother's clothes. I was all about hand-me-downs.)


PS. Your little climber sure is a cute little monkey, though.

Garden of Egan said...

You officially made me exhausted!
I've worked 3 straight days in the ER (today being #3) I've had to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to work 12 long hours of craziness.

I think I'd rather be doing that than trying to keep up with that sweet little cuteheart! Ahhhhh, those cheeks need some pinchin'! make my tired ache!

Lisa said...

Gasoline dumped over a blond bowl cut two year old, "It hot" when his fingers were blistered from the match he'd just lit and the melted carpet, a gallon of milk dumped on the kitchen floor and me just staring at the destruction, not knowing where to begin. Good luck with that, dear. Call me when it's over.

Krista said...

I really wish I could tell you it gets better....I think of my little one as "creative." Annoyingly so. Messes everywhere. Concoctions galore. Stuff in every room of the house. I actually dreamt I was cleaning the house and every time I looked around she was making another mess. That's stress! I'm glad I don't have the diapers to go with it though! That's why they're so cute or you'd strangle 'em!

Doran & Jody said...

Holding back...holding back....


sorry for my outburst

Cassie said...

I've got one of those and I admit that I love naptime because she is about 10 children! I've still been trying to figure out if it's a girl thing or a 3rd child thing.

Jackie said...

ARGH! I'm about to the point of taking all my drawers out too! Sorry, but I'm feeling better that I'm not the only one! :)

Charlotte said...

I've had a couple of those, but my 5th was the WORST toddler. I remember wondering how I could have forgotten how exhausting that stage was and then realizing it had never been THIS exhausting before.

Good luck surviving. Keep lots of chocolate in stock.

One Cluttered Brain said...


You said it girlfriend.
2 shots of chocolate. Except make it a double.

The Martos Fudge said...

Oh my word. I have a 14 month old and she is climber too. I will have to take a pic of my stairs and post it... does it ever stop? And I though little boys were monkeys. Yeah right.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Isn't being entrenched in the throws of motherhood FUN!? :) I totally am there with ya on this post! But she *is* cute! That does help matters, right? LOL!

iamwoman said...

LOL. Like, really, I laughed out loud:)

Love it! And if I was close by I would come over and distract your kids as you went outside and screamed so that they are not traumatized by that action. Then I would give you some chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

Saimi said...

Can't blame a girl for wanting to out do her brothers, after all she has a lot to live 'up' to.

Good thing you can find the humor and the chocolate!!

Besides, she is pretty dang cute!

Codi said...

I had to put our chairs up on the table with our second. With our third we moved onto folding chairs, which are folded up constantly unless someones butt is in it. Otherwise the 17 month old climbs onto the table. We've had our chairs folded up since Christmas! We had to buy a new highchair because he could get out of the old one. He's almost mastered the bunk beds...ahhhh!!!!

Mona said...

Sarah, Did you ever read the old "Ramona the Pest" series? She looks and acts just like that "Ramona"! (Not ME of course -- the one in the book. I'm sure I was an angel at that age.)

Patty Ann said...

Serene, you need locks on all the cupboards and doors. It is a hassle until they get bigger, but trust me, it will save on visits to the ER! Also, chairs on the table work great! I have been there and done that too! Oh yeah, I have one who used to climb up the fridge, open the door, climb on top of the door, open the freezer, swing on the door while eating a Popsicle and throw eggs at the dog. I do NOT miss those days! (Well, maybe sometimes!)

Cheeseboy said...

How could you ever be mad at that face.

In our family it's the mom that gets angry at the dad for allowing things to get broken.

Mr. Stupid said...

HA! He's so cute. You need to find a better place to keep cereal and everything else. How about a Safe?

Have a good day...:)

Mama Smith said...

Hmmm...let's go back in time...Once upon a time...there was a little girl...who was CONSTANTLY CLIMBING onto things...Upon stressing to FIND HER WHEREABOUTS...I find her...sitting with the biggest GRIN on her the driving seat of her father's BIG TRACTOR...Let me see...about 1 1/2 years old...if I remember correctly....Hmmmm....seems Alayna...has gotten...her talent from HER MOTHER!!!! Love it...when my "grandchildren"...give BACK alittle of what their MOTHER use to do to HER MOTHER...HENCE, the beginning of all my WHITE HAIR! Bekah and Abe did NOT make ALL THE CONTRIBUTION!!! (smile)

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh at this post. I had a monkey child like that. She is now 6 and has no fear of anything. It terrifies me!
While my youngest (13 months) SHAKES with fear at the thought of going up or down stairs. I love it!
Now I just have the 6 year old and 4 year old monkeys jumping from one bed to the next. Dang monkeys!

MindyannaJ said...

Is this what I have to look forward too? I've been excited for Ryker to crawl....but now I'm rethinking that.. :) She's a cutie pie Serene!

Lesa said...

Stopping by from MMB.

My kids are older so I have memory loss as to having them do all those fun things at her age. (I know it happened though)

Thanks for making me smile today!

Looks like you have a cute family!

M-Cat said...

But that SMILE!! how can you stay frustrated with that?

Braden said...

Um, didn't you just write a post about your wild boys? Monkey child is a perfect name for this age.

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