March 26, 2010

Why I ate Oreos for breakfast.

I turned off the computer just after 1:30 AM this morning. Which you already know if you read my last post.

Sleep. Beautiful, precious, intoxicating sleep......... *snort* huh? What was that noise?

Grabbing the crowbar I keep under my pillow, I pried open my eyelids.

Huh? What the... why in the name of Cadbury and Sees are all the stinking lights on!? 

Oh do I dare look at the clock? Well, I guess someone's gotta do it.

4:01 AM!? What in blue blazes is going on around here?

Flopping out of bed and flailing my way to the door like a drunk fish out of water, I find Jacob, my soon-to-be three year old son, (if he makes it that long) calmly sitting in the bathroom, playing with the water in the sink.

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

Don't let him fool you! He's a monster in disguise! Whatever you do, do NOT look directly into his eyes!! The cuteness is too much to bare.



I snatch him up an put him back in his crib. At that moment I would have sold my kidney for a crib lid.

Turning off his bedroom light, the bathroom light, the hallway light, and the living room light, I manage to flop back into bed.

.........zzzzzz, snort, huh? What time is it? 4:15AM!?

Oh blast. Not again! 

Now I was getting, you know, the "m" word. (psstt... I was getting mad. Shhh, don't tell anyone!)



This time I leaped out of bed, sailing over the pile of decorative pillows that lay on the floor, marched out with clenched teeth, grabbed the little monster, and tossed him back in bed, uttering all sorts of sore bottom threats if he emerged from his cage again.

As I headed back to my bed, I tuned off his bedroom light, the bathroom light, the hallway light and the living room light.

I plunked myself back into bed and hid under the covers.

A few minutes later I emerged from the covers for some air.

This time I think I actually growled when I saw all the lights on again.


At this point Luke realized that Jacob's life was in danger and got out of bed and sweetly scooped him up and sleep on the couch with him.

Luke actually sleeps out there a lot.

Huh? No! Not because he's always in trouble. Sheesh! What kind of a wife do you think I am?

He sleeps there a lot because sometimes his knees bother him or the bedroom gets too hot. Or maybe I just smell and he won't tell me. In any case, he does sleep on the couch fairly often.

Ahhh.... finally. Peace at last.....zzzzzz, *snort* huh?

(wwaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!)

*Groan*

Glancing at the clock which is now laughing at me as it brightly beams the numbers 5:03AM in my direction, I swan dive out of bed and make my way to the girl's room.

Alayna was soaked. Fine.

Bottle = quiet. 
Wipes and diapers = cleanliness. 
Clean jammies and blankets = warmth. 
Happy baby = happy mommy.

This time I rolled back into bed, determined to stay there forever.

........... beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep WHACK!

I loathe alarm clocks.

zzzzzz........ (insert cell phone ringing here)

*sigh* Oh well, time to get up. All the kids are up and running around anyway and Savannah has to go to school in 15 minutes.

By now my head weighed about 500 pounds. Rolling to the edge of my bed, I peel my 628.5 pound carcass from the sheets and fumble along my day.
And now you know why I ate Oreos for breakfast.

Huh? Oh no... don't do it, don't do it!

DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO HIS EYES!!!



Oh nuts.

Okay, now you're just fighting dirty. 

Fine Jacob, I forgive you for waking me up at 4AM this morning. But next time keep the baby pictures put away. 

You have an unfair cuteness advantage.

You know I can't resist.

20 super cool people speak:

Sue said...

He is a pretty cute little item. You know what? My DIL does have this lid sort of thing that goes over her kids' cribs. It seems to work like a charm.

=)

Hil said...

I have no room to complain about my night after reading about yours. I hope you ate the whole package of oreos.

Call me a bad mom, but we put one of those child proof door handle things on the inside of our sons room so that he won't escape. All of us have slept 100X better ever since we installed it. Best decision of my life. :)

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Sue: I have heard of people using them! So tempting....

Hil: I would never call you bad mom. Genius mom is more like it! I'm seriously considering it!

Stacy said...

Oh lands!

Reminds me of the time a few weeks ago when my eight year old (yes, she's eight! Eight!) decided that she couldn't sleep past four in the morning. Just past four each morning, she would come creeping into our bedroom and whisper loudly "I can't sleep!" Then she would proceed to come in approximately 14 times over the next three hours to remind us that she still wasn't sleeping, and to probably insure that the rest of us weren't either. Except for the time I found her in the garage, playing with the dogs, and shrieking at the top of her lungs at 6:15 on a Saturday morning. Grateful CPS didn't get called on us at that point.

I think the purpose of my long ramble is to tell you that you're not alone. And to tell you that I made a trip to Walgeens today specifically for those Reeses Peanut butter eggs. The cadbury caramel eggs were just a bonus.

Wonder Woman said...

I had a similar night. I have consumed half a bag of chocolate chips today. I'm jealous that you had oreos. I contemplated leaving the house to buy more chocolate, but that's SO MUCH WORK. I'd have to, you know, like put on a bra and find socks for the kids. GAH.

I hope you get a better night's sleep tonight!

And if your kid's doors have locks, you can just switch them so they lock from the outside. Our kids' doors are still like that.

Acting Balanced Mom said...

Aw hun- I hope you got a nap or at least an early night tonight!

Heidi said...

I swan dive out of bed--I am quite impressed.

The Damsel In DisDress said...

You're absolutely right about those eyes. He's not playing fair.

Brittney said...

Hey, you sneakily told us your weight! skinny girl after 4 babies! Way to go!

And your posts are always hilarious, though I really don't know how you find time to write them!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Shhh.... you aren't suppose to tell! LOL!
I'm impressed you noticed actually.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Wow, I would've had to be revived slowly with Cadbury mini eggs after a night like that...OUCH!!! Hope you took a nap!

Mrs. Clean Freak said...

LOL! Awesome, he has captivating eyes....mann kidz do the darndest things don't they....i have ma 1 year old and she looks irresistable but don't let that fool ya, she will tear up somethings....enjoy ya weekend! *smile*

Richele said...

Now, personally I don't think you need to explain yourself for eating Oreos for breakfast. Isn't that a healthy way to start the day?

Your boy is way too cute...how can you resist? lol. He can wake me up at 4am! lol

Mother Smith said...

That last picture of Jacob...has got to be one of my FAVORITES of him!!! Notice...I said..."one of my favorites"...smile

Amber said...

Well, you already know how devious my children are. See-kids really hate their parents. : )

P.S. I eat oreos for breakfast every morning. It is part of my diet.

Charlotte said...

I didn't have Oreos for breakfast, I ate a Hershey's chocolate bar with almonds. Much healthier, IMHO.

{disclaimer- I buy and eat Reeses Peanut Butter Puff Cereal all the time}

My 5 year old has taken to randomly wandering the house in the middle of the night. He has even been playing on the wii. I have bribed him with the BIG bag of M&M's to stay in his bed all night for a week straight. Because I want him to not wander? No, because he ends up in my bed after the wandering and it makes me crazy.

Jackie said...

Gross! I thought nights were bad at my house!

You eat the Oreos girl!

Linda said...

Nice. Those days are just a little ways behind me. The cuteness in their eyes and if they wake me up before 7am they are dead to me. I eat Oreos just because I can!

Linda said...

P.S. We put a crib net on the crib for the last kid. It was awesome until he tore a hole in it and crawled out. Evil little ninja..

Rachel Sue said...

I really want a crib lid too. We have had nights like that. But, you know what? Reading your version makes it better. It's too funny!

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