February 20, 2010

The Coveted Mommy Manuel


Just uncovered! Lost pages to the coveted Mommy Manuel have recently been discovered! Treasure hunters still seek for the book that will make them the richest human being ever! For all mommies would buy it if it were ever to be found.


Page 27

- Kids love to be naked. So you will find yourself chasing a buck naked almost four-year old, who happens to be laughing hysterically, over the couch and through the kitchen, down the hall and into the bedroom closet. Its inevitable. Try not to fight it. It will make the workout easier.

- You WILL be excited when your sick and dehydrated baby finally drinks enough to soak her diaper, her pants, and your shirt. So excited in fact that you will inform your husband about it with a big smile on your face while squeezing your baby tight until it finally dawns on you that it would be a good idea to stop with the squeezing. It's only making the wet spot bigger.

- When you are dancing like a silly monkey on a sugar high with your kids around the kitchen and you happen to leave your curtains open and your neighbors happen to see you, you have no one to blame but yourself.

- Don't let the guilt get to you. Accidentally spilling that whole pan of freshly made mac n' cheese into the sink was just an accident! It was only 87 cents. Of course, with that much money you could have bought a chocolate bar. Never mind, feel guilty. Feel very guilty.

- Count your blessings. At least your two year old is chewing on all his siblings toothbrushes instead of yours! Oh, and that one old toothbrush that you use for cleaning? Ya, ummm... count your blessings that your baby didn't grow horns after finding and chewing on THAT toothbrush a while ago.

- Try to understand. Cleanliness begets messiness. Messiness begets nastyness. Nastyness begets cleanliness. Cleanliness begets messiness. Messiness begets nastyness. Nastyness begets cleanliness.... Its a lose/lose situation. But the feeling you get for the two minutes that the cleanliness lasts will be enough to hook you and make you want to try it again sometime.

Page 28

- The secret to being the ultimate mommy, the best cook, and the greatest housekeeper, is also the key to having most well behaved, obedient, helpful, and polite children. And that  is  

We will keep you updated on the progress of any other discoveries made. If you would like to become involved in the cause, contact Serene. She will be happy to accept any donations, especially big ones. Free babysitting is also an acceptable donation.

                                         

P.S. I so appreciate everyone's comments regarding my dad. I truly, do. I tried responding to most of the comments through email but a lot of your profiles have a "no-reply" email address so I don't think most of you got them. Sorry.

12 super cool people speak:

hjsmith said...

Oh my goodness that was too funny. Sarah I love reading your blog when I get a minute or two together to do so(: It always puts a smile on my face and makes me feel like I am not the only mommy going crazy, I mean has gone crazy(: It makes me want to write a book, wait I started one years ago, where did that go??? oh well dont have time right now anyways. Hope you are doing great. Thanks for the laughs I needed them(: Hope to talk to you soon(: oh and chocolate may not make everything better but it sure does taste great(: hehehehe

Evelyn Perkins said...

LOLOLOLOL!!! BRILLIANT!! Where do you come up with this stuff?! Haha! Keep it coming.

Amber said...

Well, I intentionally leave my blinds open so that people will see my crazy dancing. I know they are jealous.

Heidi said...

Fabulous.

E said...

You are A-MAZ-ING! maybe I need to get your phone number so that when I do have number 4 I can call an old pro and get a pep talk every once in a while.

Emily said...

This is GREAT! So true! Sadly, we're at the "messiness begets nastyness" stage right now with a big clean-up day planned for tomorrow. I'm looking forward to those two minutes of calm!

On a different note, I'm coming over from SITS and I saw the news about your dad. I'm so, so sorry. Your family will be in my prayers.

Valerie said...

Hilarious!!! At least you found one page to help us all.

I'm sorry to hear about your father. It is so hard to see a loved one suffer. I hope he's able to start treatments soon and that they work.

I'm NOT a VOLCANO! said...

Hahaha! I absolutely LOVE this. I have done EVERYTHING there...except dance with my kids with the blinds open. My husband does enough of that to embarass me. I don't need to do it myself. LOL.

Leslie Limon said...

LOL! So funny and so true! I wish someone would have told me that 12 years ago when my first child was born.

Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting on my blog! :D

Linda said...

Let me add... when there is "nipple twisting" at the Sunday dinner table, you can't fight it. Just look away.

He Who Laughs Last said...

Love this post...

Stopping by from SITS

Wonder Woman said...

I definitely want to know when you find more of the lost manuscript!!

Oh so clever, girlie!!!!

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