September 19, 2008

Near Death Experience

In the course curriculum of "How to be a Kid 101", they fail to teach this basic principle: When all children in the household wake up screaming and crying, parents are much less likely to be understanding when you go about your basic responsibilities of chaos and destruction... especially when mommy is sick, tired, and has a headache.
Also, in the curriculum of "How to be a Parent 101", they fail to mention that, in the time it takes you to quickly use the bathroom, kids can successfully smash a bowl of goldfish into the carpet.
Having set the stage for my morning, I now move onto breakfast. I made scrambled eggs, half a dozen to be exact, and set them out on the table for the kids. I put the kids up to the table. All
looked safe so I went to go change the laundry. When I stepped back in to check on the kids (hysterical laughing always means trouble) there was half a dozen eggs thrown throughout the kitchen. Now, when people talk about near death experiences they say that their life flashes before their eyes. Well, it is true, for I saw my kids lives flash before my eyes.
Savannah usually informs me of impending doom. She loves to tattle and thank goodness too. She has saved me from many a disaster by informing me what the boys are up to. But, she has entered a rebellious stage in which she has decided she has been missing out on all the fun and has taken to aiding the enemy.
Pictures never do messes the justice that they deserve but, this is the best I could do. I didn't bother to take a picture of the eggs that were stuck to the wall or that were strewn down the other side of the kitchen.

Post nap time brought nothing but joy and happiness as well. Savannah was very happily playing in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror and what not, when the boys woke up. Joseph of course, climbs out of his cage and joins her. Then our neighbor downstairs brought us up some tomatoes from her in-laws garden. Savannah took the bag. Well, I was distracted with a very, very grumpy Jacob. I went to go check on the other two who had gone back into the bathroom, they were sitting on the bathroom floor playing with the tomatoes (thank goodness I had just cleaned the floor) I tried to get the tomatoes back but Savannah insisted that she was making them a forever family and they needed to be together. (sigh) Fine. A few minutes later, Jacob calms down. I go back to check on the other two. Everything still looks fine... but then, my eyes catches sight of something very small on the floor. What's this? Make-up? I touch it, eye shadow? I quickly check my make-up bag and sure enough, everything is covered in a brown powder. I demand who made the mess and Savannah quickly blames Joseph. Now, I only own one container of eye shadow and it is still the same one that I bought when I was 14 years old and just learning about the stuff. Well, I guess I might just have to break down and buy some more.
A bit later, the kids are all sitting at the kitchen table playing with a learning toy book thing and eating goldfish... again. I had been trying to straighten out the kids room a bit because I had finally gotten around to vacuuming up the goldfish from this morning and had thrown all their
toys back into their room, so I was trying to make the room walkable.
I stop. Hysterical laughing and the sound of dropping goldfish arrest my attention. I rush into the kitchen only to find smashed crumbs all over the table, bench and floor. Once again, there was that odd near death experience of seeing my children's lives pass before my eyes.
After putting the boys in time-out, again, I start cleaning up, again. When suddenly, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law stop by unexpectedly. Well, at least I had cleaned the living room even if everything else was a mess. Of course the boys came out of their room when they heard the door bell. Well, I went to go put something away in their room and as I entered it, I find
that Joseph had pulled all the blankets and sheets out of both cribs and threw them on the floor.


So, now I just have two questions. Where is the nearest zoo and where is the chocolate?

5 super cool people speak:

Heidi said...

Wow. That's all I'd say except I had to mention when I read of the first goldfish incident, I was thinking, "Did they get Savannah more fish?" Then I realized--good thing, too, 'cause what an image!

Brittney said...

wow, that sure makes me feel for you and realize how easy my life is without having kids yet! Wish I could give you a break and take your kids away for a bit!!

Mama Smith said...

Perhaps you ought to invest in "3" straight jackets" - might be easier than finding the nearest "zoo"...(smile) Just helpful "counsel" from your "Mama"...(smile)

E said...

OH I feel your pain!!! I REALLY feel your pain! I just made my blog private--and I didn't know if you wanted access, but if you do, I don't have your email address so you'll have to pass it on!

Sarah Sawyer said...

HI, I ran across your blog by mistake when I mistyped my friends blog. I hope you don't mind, I read your last post.I am a Mom too with many similar stories! I have 4 kids 3 years and under...if you would like to read of our adventures our blog is www.hankandsarah.com
Take care,
~ Sarah

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