April 5, 2008

Reflections

Tonight I gave Savannah a big hug and said, "I love you so much!" to which she replied, "I know you do mom." I think that was ten times better than if she had said, I love you too. I truly want my children to know how much they mean to me. I never really dreamt that being a parent would be so difficult and draining. There have been so many times, well, probably most of the time, when I have felt like a complete failure and that I just was not cut out to be a mom, or a wife for that matter. I have locked myself in the bathroom more than once with kids screaming outside the door and just sobbed because I was so overwhelmed and just down right tired to the point where I seriously felt like I could not deal with anything anymore. The constant messes, diaper changing and demands can get old. It was especially hard when I was pregnant with Jacob and had to care for two other little ones. I have made no secret about how much a hate being pregnant. Being completely sick for 9 months, having my insides pushed, punched, and pinched, having insomnia, and all the other things that come with being pregnant for me is no picnic. But tonight I really couldn't help but think about all the good stuff. There is really nothing quite like the pride (I know, I used the "p" word) you feel when you see your little kids playing together nicely, (you will probably never know what a big deal that is until you have more than one child) or using their manners that you thought they would never get down, or just watching them finally get all their colors and shapes right. Savannah, loves to be my little helper and Joseph loves to do whatever Savannah is doing, so I usually end up with two fighting kids because they both want to "help". It is so fun to get down and play with them, to make them laugh and see their big cheesy smiles or to listen to them say their prayers on their own. Tonight, I am just feeling very blessed and had to write some thoughts down before one of the kids wakes up screaming which makes me want to crawl under the bed and pull a pillow over my ears. I love my little family and I love being a mom. Despite everything it is the best occupation ever!

4 super cool people speak:

The Wests said...

Serene, you need to warn me not to read your blog while I'm pregnant if you're going to write things like this!! I am sobbing right now. You are such a good mom no matter how you might feel at times. You can see through your kids what kind of mom you are and they are healthy happy beautiful children. You made them that way! You are a strong woman too because I could name a million women your age and older that couldn't do it and keep a smile on their face! And have killer looks like you. Not fair by the way. I'm actually really glad you wrote this. Sorry if this sounds cheesy but I felt the spirit and felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness and excitement while reading this. Thank you for that. I hope you know I love you and look up to you and hope that I am half the mom you are :)

Annie said...

This was a little hard to read. Being a parent certainly isn't always easy! It seems even harder these days when we don't have as much support as we may actually need! I hope you have people you can call when times get overwhelming or frustrating!

I've found some great advice in the articles on this website: http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/ Sometimes it just helps realising I'm not crazy to be having a hard time dealing with my kids. No one has it easy all the time!

You're right that being a mother is so rewarding! Our kids grow up so fast.

Brittney said...

You are an awesome mommy. I'm sure the hard times are really hard, but they make the good times so much better, right? You can tell your kids are good kids. Glad you can sit back and be thankful..

Wasn't it conference that talked about how we truly have such a small amount of time with our kids while they're young? It sure is tough, but it will be over before you know it.. and you're doing such a great job at teaching them well.

Kent said...

Just to echo what the others have said....you and Luke's great parenting shows through in your kids. They are all a ton of fun and well mannered. They may misbehave a bit for Mom and Dad, but both times we babysat them they were great for us. Out of control kids don't put on a show for the babysitter, they go nuts on them!

Your kids are a great example when you're away from them of how well you two have done in raising them.

And yes...even if Joseph and Jacob go at it while they're young they can still end up great friends like me and my bro.

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